Stop and Smell the Roses…

… and the garlic bread and the bagels

The admonition to “stop and smell the roses” was something I never could make happen when I was younger.

It’s only recently I’ve realized why it is so important to do as we age, but in a very different way than its original meaning of “slow down and enjoy life.”

Let me explain.

When I was working for Onondaga County, our Department of Aging and Youth had a great group of dedicated people who were always looking for ways to make the system work better for the people we served.

When a project we had worked on for months was finally ready to launch, we’d have a press conference or a presentation before our legislative committee to make the announcement. If it went well, we’d have maybe a half hour of feeling great. Then it was back to work as usual. No time for smelling the roses.

Those feelings of elation should have lasted much longer in proportion to the months of work it took to get to a good outcome. It’s like that with weddings and other events that you spend months working on and then it’s over. For those at least, the smell of the roses lingers in looking at the pictures and getting to talk the day over with friends and family.

But recently I’ve figured out another reason it’s so important to “smell the roses,” both figuratively and literally.  Why we should deeply inhale the smell of a cake baking, savor the taste of a great meal, appreciate a beautiful sunset, delight in a colorful garden and especially… enjoy each hug, kiss and touch from loved ones.

The reason to awaken our senses now to all those wonderful experiences is that as we get older loss will happen to all of us in various forms. Whether it is loss of loved ones, loss of one or more of our senses or loss of physical abilities, if we’re lucky enough to live long lives we will inevitably experience loss in its various forms.

That’s why we need to make what seems like ordinary, everyday things as memorable as we can and we do that by recognizing their importance at the time. To inhale as deeply as we can and imprint in our brains — the tastes, sounds, smells, sights and touches, so at a future time we can shut our eyes and bring them to mind whenever we want. This will allow us to still get enjoyment from the past while adapting to the changes we’re experiencing.

And at any stage of our lives we can teach ourselves to cultivate our remaining senses. By just reminding ourselves to enjoy the texture and smell of a great meatball or garlic bread or chocolate cake, if there comes a time when our sense of smell is no longer as acute, we can still recall it in our memory while we’re eating. Chew mindfully to enjoy the texture and taste of a great toasted bagel; crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside. Or a fluffy matzo ball that feels like eating a cloud with taste.

Another technique to adapt to change is learning how to pivot. Most athletes will decide at some point that it’s time to hang up the shoes, whether it’s tennis, running or other sports that aren’t so enjoyable anymore. It could be that our sense of balance is off for various reasons — arthritis, vision, inner ear issues, hip and knee problems, medications and so forth. Though we hang up one set of shoes, we can pick up another. Tennis players pivot to pickleball, runners to walking, others to swimming. If the feet aren’t so happy doing the work anymore, there’s using the arm workout part of the bike machine to still get the benefits of a cardio workout. And stretching to stay limber is something we can do on our own at home. As long as we mentally prepare ourselves for that need to pivot, we’ll be prepared.

By now you’re probably sick of me talking about the relationship of hearing aids to dementia. Hearing is a sense that most of us do have some control over, so why wouldn’t we want to do whatever we can to help our hearing and keep our brains active? Equally as important is that hearing well facilitates social relationships in our lives. As my doctor friend, Corinne Smith, told me years ago, “don’t wait until it’s too late to adjust to them.” Just get the damn things already. Once you do, let me know, then I’ll stop lecturing you.

And now I am off to a season of three graduations and two weddings of grandchildren and will remind myself to appreciate every minute so I can call up the memories.