James O’neill is ready to get back into the dating pool and meet someone new. The only problem for the father of nine is where does a fit man over 80 go to meet the ladies?

The 83-year-old says after his wife died almost five years ago, it took some time to heal from the loss. The couple married after O’neil returned home after serving in World War II. It was 57 years of memories that he had to make peace with before he could move forward.

“She told me before she left that she didn’t want me to be alone,” he says while sitting in the home they shared in the east part of Rochester.

The few dates he has been on since his wife’s death have not ended in a love connection. Mainly, he has gone to dinner with old friends who have lost their husband and share similar circumstances.

“Some women may have wanted to go further, but they were not my type,” he said.

O’neil considers himself to be an outdoorsmen and would like to spend time traveling with a companion. As a younger man he enjoyed dancing the waltz, polka and the fox trot. He is eager to try some new moves, now that he has had hip replacement surgery.

He said the hard part of living alone is the boredom.

He stays active, but is not as connected with mainstream culture as he would like to be. He said that younger generations become intimate too easily and don’t take the time to develop a friendship before they have sex.

“I treat a woman like a lady,” he said. “I don’t say come on babe let’s jump in bed.”

O’neil spends his days watching figure skating and TV show CSI and listening to Josh Groban and Shania Twain. But he does not use a computer and is not interested in some of the more graphic programming available.

He said on dates it is easy to get caught up talking about the past, but that it is usually too emotionally charged and can ruin a date.

“Talk about the weather if you have too, but be in the moment,” he said.

He said the biggest fear someone in his position has is being taken advantage of by a woman who may be looking for him for monetary support.

55 PLUS contacted the office of the aging and Elder Source to try to find more information about seniors living alone in the Rochester area, but were told that their lifestyle choices were not tracked.
Statistics aside, it is common knowledge that some elderly individuals face difficult changes such as the death of a spouse or medical problems. This can lead to depression, especially in those without a strong support system.

Left alone, depression not only prevents older adults from enjoying life like they could, it also takes a heavy toll on health. But, learning how to spot the signs of depression and find effective ways to combat it can help people can remain happy and vibrant throughout the golden years. Depression does not have to be a normal or necessary part of aging.

According to the hundreds of online sites for seniors, the first thing you need to do when searching for elderly love is to put yourself in a position that you can meet new people.

There are several options to getting you out and back in the dating scene. Contact your local senior center and see what is offered. Many offer classes that range from learning about computers to pottery. The shared interest gives seniors something in common and this will be very important when talking to someone new.
At the suburban senior center, one of many places that service older adults in the Rochester area, the approximate membership is 1,300 people. The membership fee is free and members choose from participating in various activities that include ping-pong and line dancing.

Steve Bonacci, 64, a clerk at the facility, explained the theory behind the program.

“People meet not by design,” he said. “We provide the opportunity to make the coincidence happen.”
The center’s main priority is to improve quality of life and good health. Currently, they are hoping to extend hours to further sustain their goal.

“Our director’s philosophy is a senior’s life does not stop at 5 p.m. on Friday evening and resume at 9 a.m. Monday morning,” Bonacci said.

If you don’t feel comfortable in this type of situation, you may want to try an online senior dating service. Often, there is a fee to join, and then you give them information about yourself and a picture. After you have done this, you will be able to at other people that have done the same thing and see if there is anyone that you think you would like to ask out.

It is very important that the information you give about yourself is the truth, as people you date may start to think you are something that you cannot back up. Also, when you are looking through the other elderly singles that are available, the most important thing for you to look for is someone that has similar interests as you. This will ensure that you have something to talk about, and will keep the conversation flowing all night.

By using a dating service, you will be meeting other seniors that are also looking for love. This will take away some of the awkwardness and also some of the fear of rejection. Also, if the person isn’t interested in you, they just won’t contact you instead of having to tell you.

What remains in O’neil’s future is unknown at the moment, but now that he has put some of the darker days behind him he is hoping to meet new people and begin again.

“I no longer want to wake up and look at an empty house,” he said. “I’m ready to date romantically.”

By Shannon Ferguson