‘I’m Too Busy to Clean. I’m On the Computer’

Often when someone calls and asks what I’m doing, my response is, “I’m on the computer.”

I’d love to be able to say that I’m researching how to make the world a better place, but looking at my recent searches, it’s hard to make that claim.

If I tell you that on a Monday, I read three articles on the “pros and cons of spray tans” and then two days later read five articles on “how to get rid of a bad spray tan,” you can figure I’m not working on world peace.

I don’t know how I ever lived without a computer so I thought I’d tell you some of the other things I do on the Internet that might inspire you to join me in cyberspace. Then you can also have an excuse for not cleaning your house.

Or at least not have an excuse for getting a bad spray tan.

While I’m on the vanity track, let’s talk shopping. I have narrow feet and it is impossible to find shoes locally. For a while it seemed like my only choice would be sneakers in 10 different colors, including gold for evening. But between sites like Zappos and others that provide free shipping, I’m back in shoes.
I’m also allergic to a lot of beauty products (no wise guy comments here.) So before shopping, I check out ingredients in products I’m considering buying and read reviews that others who’ve tried the product have written.

I guess I didn’t read every single review because the most highly rated sunscreen that I ran out to buy recently had me in a rash for two weeks. I’m now back to the brand I buy online from Canada that makes my face so shiny you can see me a block away.

Before you think I’m totally shallow (a little shallow is OK) in the last two weeks, these are other things I’ve done online:

• Books: On county library sites, there are thousands of books, movies and audiobooks to review at your leisure and reserve online.An e-mail is sent when the books are in and you have a few days to pick them up. A new feature I love is the e-mail reminder when books are due, and that also gives the option to renew online.
• Googling: In the old days it used to be called snooping or being nosy, but now it’s called “doing research.”
• Flights: When planning travel, you can compare prices of flights on sites like Expedia or Cheap Flights, and look over flight time schedules. You can also track flights to see if they are on time, so if you’re picking someone up at the airport, you don’t drive all the way there only to find out the plane is late.
• Hotels: When I stay at a new hotel I’m able to view pictures of the rooms before I get there as well as see the fitness facilities, research restaurants nearby and, of course, check if there any shopping malls in the area.
Then I Mapquest the driving or walking routes between the different places I have to be to decide if I can walk or need to take a cab.
On a different note, I now have a wonderful app on my iPhone that has subway schedules and routes that is just invaluable in getting around big cities.
• Menus: Most restaurants now post their menus. That’s a great help in deciding where to eat and also what to eat when you get there.

And now, in no particular order, this is what else I’ve done online this month:
• Sent and received pictures of grandchildren
• Checked if I should brush my teeth before or after eating grapefruit
• Researched which muscles control the stomach and neck to avoid a sore neck when doing sit-ups
• What are the best times of day to take certain vitamins?
• Looked for meatloaf recipes
• Checked out prices of houses I saw for sale while on my walk around the neighborhood
• Ordered books on Amazon
• Read reviews of available movies and ordered on Netflix and RedBox
• Found articles on how to clean burned pots and how to get the smell of burned food to dissipate quicker. (Don’t ask.)
• Learned how to clean computer keyboards, tops of cabinets and lights in high ceilings (I’m at least thinking of cleaning.)
• Researched room darkening shades and how to measure (for visiting grandchildren who get up with the sun)
• Checked out hotels on Priceline and Expedia
• Checked out rumors on Snopes that friends send as “facts” in e-mails
• Went to weather.com for 10-day forecast, so I knew what to pack for travel
• How to transfer cassettes to DVDs
• Ten ways to marinate vegetables
• How to make quick pickles
• Do you have to soak Nori sheets to make sushi? (No, just the ends to keep them together)
• Checked the spelling of a word. Many words, actually
• How to clean a gilded picture frame
• How to make a pear martini
• How to treat a rash from sunscreen
• Hour-by-hour weather in Washington DC
• How many calories are in artichokes and in boneless Chinese spareribs? (Should have stuck with the artichokes)

COMMERCIAL BREAK: I just took a break from writing to make my fifth carrot/date/yogurt smoothie of the week, a recipe that turned up when reading “The New York Times” online.

Does that make me sound any less shallow, except, of course to people who think the NYT doesn’t count as serious reading?
• Is there a Groupon.com in this area?  No, but it’s a great idea.
• And much too much time spent on trying to find out if you can replace a color cartridge in the printer with a black one
• Is there any way to wear pantyhose with sandals and not look dorky? No!!!! (Not even if you’re desperate and trying to cover up a bad spray tan)
• Checked for recipes I saw on Food Network while on the treadmill
• Checked for events to attend with grandchildren to who are spending the weekend
• Tips on how to do a PowerPoint presentation
• Articles on prices for travel insurance (Learn to read the fine print.)
• How many calories in take-out foods?
• Why am I usually/always racing to get out of the house on time? (One article said it’s my “inner brat.” At least it’s someone to blame it on.)
• Looked at websites to buy practical gifts for older people (oh, all right, maybe for myself) and found Seniorstore.com for ages 50 and up and OvertheHillGifts.com for ages 30-100; and they are even locally owned websites
• Lest I forget, I am regularly checking meetup.com/communitydiningsyracuse. Meet us for dinner sometimes.
• And I could go on, but I’m afraid you’ll wonder just how dirty the house has to get before I get off the computer and clean it.