The saying stated in this article’s headline unravels the fabric of a fulfilled life — particularly for those of us who yearn to know what life is all about. Credit is given to my granddaughter, Kali Spoto, for passing it on to me, along with many other words to live by from her journal that — she warns — “If ever I let you read, I’d have to kill you.” From thy children ye shall learn and from thy grandchildren ye can learn even more.

Someone to Love—Fortunately I still have my high school sweetheart-cum-wife-cum-mother of five children-cum-grandmother of 19 grandchildren by my side. As such I do not have to suffer the agonizing task of finding another person to take her place (as if that were ever possible). It is the natural order of things that we have mates, someone to share our dreams and give encouragement while we’re pursuing the challenges presented by life, someone to lift us up when we are down and someone to spawn our offsprings so that the family continues. Mostly, we need abiding love, unquestioning love, unmitigated love.

Unfortunately most of our relatives and friends who have reached our ripe old age do not have their original spouses. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly 30 percent of men and women over 65 are widowed and almost 9 percent are divorced. Among our contemporaries the percentage is much higher — well over 50 percent widowed or divorced.

Our generation has broken through the puritanical restraints that affected our parents (as if the original Puritans were ever restrained). We cite one example that typifies the situation. Joe and Barbara were each happily married but their respective spouses each died after lingering illnesses. Their apartments were adjacent to each other and they soon became more than friends. They planned to be married but it was not to be because their respective children objected (as so often is the case).

They love each other very much and spend a good part of every day together and — yes — they enjoy physical love as well as companionship. More often than not our friends and relatives who have been happily married seek ongoing love and more often than not the family objects. Fortunately, one way or another love (which is the driving force of life) wins out.

Something to Do—Many marriages break up in retirement because of too much togetherness. Husband and wife need to get away from each other occasionally, get out the house more often. One of the horror stories that circulate within our community is of the husband who follows his wife around the kitchen as she empties the dishwasher and places the dishes in the cupboards. We see many retired executives with nothing to exec, fussing and fuming and trying to cope with idleness.

A type ‘A’ personality who has raced through a career at 80 miles-per-hour cannot just slam on the brakes and let the engine idle — eventually the engine will stall. Anyone who has followed this column knows that I strongly advocate a “retirement career.” Grandma Moses became an artist at age 80. I have become a writer, among other things. Everyone has hidden talent never pursued because of the restraints of a career. Some women are much better adapted to retirement than men because their routine changes little but men cannot easily slow to their wife’s pace. It has been our observance that idleness can kill you as surely as an incurable disease.

Something to Look Forward To—Every day should be eagerly anticipated and never wasted (we who were given a second chance appreciate this more than most). A part of the day should be set aside for something you enjoy and subsequently look forward to. For me, it is at the end of the day, after the work is done, sitting on the deck with a good book or magazine and a glass of wine — usually followed by a game with my wife.

Anything will do, a trip to the mall, taking a friend to lunch or simply taking a walk. Then there are the long range things like a trip to visit family or friends, taking a cruise, annual family gatherings during the holidays and so on. Despite the fact that I’m retired, I still maintain an office within the family business. This allows me to get out of the house during the week — therefore I can look forward to the weekend. The important thing is to avoid the deathtrap of letting one day meld into the next and living a hum-drum existence.

Wrapping this all up — another entry from Kali’s journal via the pen of Mary Ann Rademacher: “Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”