Caregiving: A Joy and a Privilege
By Carol Youngs
About six years ago, my sister, Ruth, and I, began to navigate the activities of daily living for our parents.
We are not alone in this. According to AARP in 2023 there are an estimated 2.2 million unpaid caregivers caring for their family members, each with their own stories, quirks and physical and emotional needs offering an opportunity — the privilege — of getting to spend quality time together.
Our father, Allan, an Army veteran, retired banker, former Lion’s Club member, founding board member of a Long Island-based youth center and story teller extraordinaire, died in May 2023 at age 90 from complications of a lifelong struggle with diabetes. He is missed every day.
Our 87-year-old mother, Rita, a beautiful red head and former high school basketball player, majorette, retired registered nurse and barbershop chorus alto, raised five kids and took in foster kids from infants through to teenagers. She boasts a hearty Scottish and Irish ancestry and it’s up to my sister Ruth and me to see that she continues living each day with humor, purpose and her indomitable spirit.
We watch movies and are well on our way to setting the world’s record for napping.
That’s when we’re not visiting with folks over the phone, singing, playing cards, Scrabble or Triominos, sharing a book or memory or watching “The Price is Right!”
Yet the diseases of aging are given full attention as remedies, specialists and informative articles are triaged for glimmers of useable suggestions to keep mom as comfortable and healthy as possible.
Ruth and I learned that time off should be carefully planned for the caregiver who wants to give their all, but who can better serve with a lighter heart and renewed energy when they are allowed time to re charge, to enjoy art, music and time alone or with friends to ease that twinkle back into their step.
We book respite caregivers found by word of mouth starting with a list we obtained from our local Madison County Office of the Aging in Morrisville. We’ve found that a searchable database of Offices of the Aging in NYS counties and their caregiver information offer invaluable tips and phone numbers to call to find answers to frequently asked questions.
We’ve learned that free loaner durable medical equipment can be found in most communities as wheelchairs can often be a better alternative to walkers on icy ramps.
In our community, Madison County, the Cazenovia Area Volunteer Ambulance Corps — and leads through the county Office of the Aging — proved successful hunting grounds for a walker, wheelchair and shower seat for which we are very thankful.
Ruth and I are very fortunate to have one another to rely on as we share covering mom’s 24/7 needs.
Not all families have that.
Recently, Ruth was wheeling Mom into the house after a doctor’s appointment. Then, it was on to help Mom change and get ready for the lunch I was setting up for the three of us.
We communicate frequently using my calendar dotted with writing or educational event planning engagements; Ruth’s calendar features massage client appointments at two studios and in private homes and, of course, Mom’s appointments.
We’ve also learned that eating chocolate pudding before the main course is not only possible, but should be encouraged — as long as there’s whipped cream in the house and some additional protein in there somewhere to blend well with mom’s evening meds. And matching pajamas and robes aren’t as important as her favorite blue socks with the sole grips.
All kidding aside, we embrace time spent with a precious life — our mother, Rita. We learn from her and each other how to make the most of our time together.
Caregiving: a joy and a privilege!
Resources for Caregivers
• NYS Office of the Aging Caregiver Guide: http://tinyurl.com/yckdsh59
• National Council on Aging (NCOA): www.ncoa.org/caregivers
• NYS Office of the Aging searchable database for county offices:
https://aging.ny.gov/local-offices
• NYS Office of the Aging caregiver resource centers:
https://aging.ny.gov/caregiver-resource-centers
Carol Youngs, a freelance writer and education program-event consultant, lives in Madison County.