Live Dating Makes a Comeback

Dating ‘has worked great for many, many people, but it’s not the solution for everyone,’ says expert

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

 

Dating websites and more recently apps have made finding someone as easy as clicking or swiping on a screen.

But that has become the problem.

It’s too easy to say yes to a potential date one regrets or to say no to someone who may turn out to be a very nice person after all.

Using technology for dating “has worked great for many, many people, but it’s not the solution for everyone,” said Linda de Lucca, owner of Pre-Dating, a Boca Raton-based event hosting business that holds events in the Syracuse area, along with hundreds of other cities nationwide.

A growing number of people are turning to meeting people in person. De Lucca said that for those who are serious about a long-term relationship, meeting people “live” feels more genuine and less like a shallow ego boost through a screen.

“People get addicted to that dopamine burst when people message you back,” she said. “It’s really gamified and that’s fun but not the best way to meet a real person.”

Another problem is that once users meet someone through an app and becomes committed, it’s hard for some to stop using the app.

The pandemic has also nudged some people toward in-person meetups. De Lucca said that she has about triple the business she had before COVID struck — and business was brisk already. She attributes the uptick to “app fatigue” as so many people socialized, shopped and worked through a screen. Meeting people in-person feels more natural.

“When you meet someone face to face, it’s a whole different experience,” de Lucca said. “You’re talking with a real person. It’s not a game. People take it a lot more seriously. That’s why our results are better.”

Dating apps have become a cesspool of scammers, from run-of-the-mill catfishing to schemes that can bilk the unsuspecting out of their life savings. De Lucca said that’s another reason that more people want to find dates in person.

“I can’t promise you’ll find the love of your life, but you’ll find people who aren’t made-up,” she said.

An app may offer 100 profiles before a user finds someone compatible enough to communicate with. At Pre-Dating events, about 10 people of the opposite gender attend and most participants find they have two to three matches.

“You’re instantly talking and connecting,” de Lucca said. “You talk about whether you’ll set up a date quickly. Our odds are so much better, especially for people over 55. Maybe you haven’t dated for decades. The dating landscape isn’t anything like when you dated in high school or college. When I was young, they’d strike up conversations at the gym or the store or the bank. It’s much harder to make a connection when you’re out and about.”

Although the meet up is contrived and purposeful, de Lucca said it often results in people finding someone with whom they click.

Participants purchase a ticket (usually around $36, which includes food and drinks) and meet in a public place — both features that deter married cheaters. It’s typically a restaurant. After a welcome and short orientation from the host, participants sit opposite of each other to chat and take a few notes for a few minutes. Then the gentlemen rise and move to the next spot.

Some companies use an app for notetaking, but de Lucca decided that pencil and paper would help keep participants more engaged and less tempted to check other things on their phones. At the end, participants let the host know which people are a “yes” and which are a “no” so that they don’t have to worry about any awkwardness or asking for contact information. Any mutual matches receive the other person’s email address. Then, it’s up to the participants to reach out to each other.

DeLucca said that events are age-based and some events are based on special interests, such as Christian events. But the criterion doesn’t drill down too far.

“Sometimes, if you have a long checklist of what you want, like Asian women who are in the programming field, that’s not a healthy thing to do. You should open yourself up,” she said. “The best thing to do at our events is to not put a lot of pressure on yourself. You are going to a nice venue to meet some people and have conversations. If you want to bring a friend you can do that. But don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You don’t’ have to meet the love of your life. You’ll have more success if you’re relaxed and you’re yourself.”

Pre-Dating doesn’t perform screening, as it’s expensive and challenging to obtain accurate information. It’s up to participants to screen people they’re interested in.

“It’s a lot of fun,” de Lucca said. “It really is an interesting business. I think of it as an honor to help people find their significant other.”